Friday, June 8th, 2018.
It’s a drink slinging day.
Here’s My Top 10 things NEVER to say to a bartender:
10.) When do I get a free drink?
The best things in life are free, but do not expect, or ASK to get anything for nothing. If you were going to get a free one, you will likely screw it up by asking.
9.) Have you gained/lost some weight?
You shouldn’t be asking this of ANYONE, but really, you’ll piss the bartender off commenting on their weight, and it is possible, you could completely ruin their entire shift.
8.) I’m not from around here, can you recommend a place to go?
“Go somewhere? What, am I not providing enough fun for you?”
Please, pick up a paper, or ask someone on the street. We prefer not to hear about how our bar isn’t your idea of a good time.
7.) Do you know where to get something that will ‘wake me up’?
Never, ever ask a bartender where to get a “hook-up”. Not only does it show what a lowlife you are, but it is also, illegal.
6.) I have been away for awhile. or… I just got out.
Chances are that if you are a con bragging about being an ex-con, you will be back in the slammer by the end of the day.
5.) What else do you do?
My favorite all time answer to this is:
“I masturbate to porn for hours and hours.”
It shuts them right up, and they will pretty much do anything you tell them to do, from that point on.
4.) How much is a …
If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.
If you have to ask the price of more than two things, you should go to the deli and grab a sick pack, or consider not drinking at all.
3.) I come here alllll the time.
People who insist on this, are always scumbags trying to get away with doing something inappropriate.
If we have never seen you before, you don’t “come here all the time.”
2.) Gimme a beer.
First of all, where are your manners?
And second of all, you have been watching too many movies.
WHAT kind of beer? Who doesn’t order beer by its brand name?
1.) Where’s the bathroom, I have to take a dump.
Too much information.
For a bartender, or anyone for that matter. Please keep that “business” to yourself.